Hurt feelings are inevitable. Everybody gets hurt at some point in time by someone or something. And this is completely natural. The problem arises when people keep stuffing their feeling deep down and not able to express them. These bottled feelings start striking your mental and physical health and can have dangerous outcomes.
To be honest I always experienced that we are conditioned from childhood to hold our feelings especially negative feelings like sadness, anger, and hurt. We are habituated to not to express anger or hurt even if we are wounded deep inside. Especially as a woman Most of our mental energy goes into suppressing our true feeling because we spend our life seeking approval from everyone, pleasing others, saying “yes” when you often want to say “No” etc…
We are programmed to not be true with our feelings hence we end up ignoring and suppressing it.
We do not have the courage to express our anger and hurt because somewhere we have the fear of losing the love of others. And unfortunately, we don’t even know the right way to express and deal with such emotions.
The hurt feeling is investable in any relationship. And if you keep suppressing them, they are bound to arise over time and can explode unannounced out of proportion at the wrong time.
In my family, I am always allowed to express hurt and anger. I am allowed to speak and express my opinion even if I am not on the same page with my parents. I have always had the liberty to express myself. But since I got married, I came into a completely different family structure and values. Here I am not allowed to show my disagreement with my in-laws. I am not allowed to point out things and actions that my hurt feelings and I am bound to agree with each and every one even if I am not agreed. My choices are dead. I have to face hurtful comments and remarks. I have to tolerate disrespect and frustration each and every day. And the worst part is I am not able to express them because if I do, people will first ignore and they start shaming me for not trying enough for not adjusting in the new family, etc. I am becoming critical day by day because of all the criticism I’m receiving. I am developing a low self-image. I am losing the sense of self-worth. and apart from all this I am hiding my feelings and pretending that everything is alright.
But in reality, it’s not, I am hurt. And these hut feelings are kept surfacing from time to time. I have to relive these experiences again and again. These feelings are killing my mental peace. They are affecting my overall health. And I genuinely want to get over from it. I want to heal I want to move on I want to learn to deal with this. But how? Why am I hurt? Can we heal our hurt feelings and become immune to it? so here is what I found during researching about this topic:
Yes, we can heal the hurt and get over it. the very basic remedy is to talk it out to someone who listens, who can connect with you, who can feel your pain. Speaking what is going inside your mind and heart is so important. It is a vital factor in a healthy relationship.
Why Am I Hurt?
The first and most significant reason is “Expectation”. We have a lot of expectations from people around us and when these expectations are not fulfilled, we get hurt. In my case, I and my in-laws both have expectations. They are expecting me to fulfil my daughter in law duties and I am expecting them to love and accepting me as a family member. And I am trying to everything possible to make them like and accept me but in return, I am getting hurt each and every day.
But we forget that everyone is different and no one is perfect. We are all individuals we have different believes and values. Everyone has their own life and struggles. We expect people to understand it and act accordingly. But In reality, they just don’t care about what you’re going through. No one cares yes no one… not even your parents which are most glorifies human connection on the planet.
Even if you consider them as your most important treasure, some people going to hurt and disappoint you. and the moment they show you, your place then You will realize that never important to them as you thought you were. And you will get hurt.
The second reason is that we are living in a society where we value other’s opinions about ourselves. We look at ourselves through their eyes. Hence, we try to become someone who we are not and end up disappointing ourselves.
A few of us were raised to honour who we authentically are. Our sense of self depends on the other’s opinion. Therefore, when someone related to us judges or rejects us, it hurts us. So, if you’re hurt by someone’s behaviour, rather than blaming that person or situation; blame yourself. No one can disturb our sanity, except your own Expectations.
Because at the end of the day, you’re the only person who would stand by your side. You’re alone responsible for your happiness or sadness. And one more thing you can’t fulfil the expectation of everyone around you so you have to prioritize. If you try to fulfil each and every one expectation you are going to hurt yourself.
So, to conclude here are the main reason that plays an important role:
1. Because you loved more and another person is not reciprocating the same.
2. Because you expected more and the other person has no idea about them or not able to fulfill your expectations.
3. Because you prioritize another person’s happiness more and end up hurting your own emotions because they dot care.
4. Because you believe others’ opinions about yourself and end up hurting yourself.
5. Because you gave them the power to govern your thoughts and feelings.
How Can We Heal Hurt Feelings?
When we are hurt or disappointed, we start blaming. We want them to realize, we want them to apologize. We want them to notice what they did was wrong.
But accusing someone else of our hurt can boomerang.
Blaming and self-victimization are easy but it leaves you powerless. You should take responsibility for your own emotions and thoughts. Reflect and introspect yourself and try to find the solution. I know taking responsibility is hard but this is the only solution. It is empowering and fulfilling.
All your feelings are valid. It’s important to feel them fully, and move on. Nurturing your grievances is a bad habit because it hurts you more than it hurts them. And sometimes the other person won’t even know what you are going through.
When we hold on to past hurts, we often relive the pain over and over in our minds. Sometimes we get “stuck” in this pain, in this hurt, in this blame. And it becomes so difficult to move on.
Here is some advice for people like me who have been struggling with hurt feelings for so long:
Decide To Let It Go:
You can’t do anything until unless we really want to do it. A firm willingness is the first step towards achieving anything. similarly, Problems don’t get solved on their own. You need to be mindful and to make an intentional decision to “let it go.”
What does it mean to make a conscious choice to let it go? It means accepting that you have a choice to let it go. Realizing that no one has the power to hurt you. It’s your own expectations and actions. It’s about taking responsibility for how you feel. It’s about nor giving your power away to someone else. It’s about taking your power back.
It will help you to stop reliving the past pain, to stop going over the details of the unpleasant past experience again and again in your head.
Being determined to heal yourself is empowering.
knowing that it is their choice to either hold on to the pain, or to live a life free of hurt and pain.
Express Your Pain:
Express your pain. Express what it made you feel. Whether directly with the person close to you, or just let it get out of your system (like uttering to a friend, or writing in a journal, or writing a note you never send to the other person).
In general, People are apathetic to the suffering of others, so expressing emotional pain is sometimes very difficult. Express it in front of someone who empathetic you and can understand your pain.
Get it all out of your system. Doing this will help you to go deep inside layers of your emotions. To understand what your hurt is about, what made you fell, what was the trigger, how can you heal, etc…
Do what makes you feel better and help you heal. keeping the pain inside and suppressed is not a good idea.
Stop Being The Victim:
Being the victim feels good because it’s easy. It doesn’t require any extra effort and feels good for the short term. on the other hand, taking responsibility is hard. it takes a lot of intelligence and effort. It might not feel good initially but it is the only way of healing. Take responsibility for your emotions. If anything, don’t make you feel good. Make an effort to change the situation.
No one cares about what you are undergoing. Your feelings are just one part of life, which is all entwined, multifaceted, and chaotic.
And all you have is “Choice”. The choice to make a difference. The choice to move on.
Focus On The Present:
Now as you decided to let go. Let go of the past, and resolute to heal. Stop reliving it. Stop telling yourself that sad painful story again and again. Stop seeing yourself as a victim.
Yes, you can’t undo the past, and forgetting everything is not easy. but all you do is to focus on today and focus on the best part of your life, focus what you have, focus on the small joy, focus on someone who loves you understand you. and be grateful for all the great things around you.
Make today the best day of your life.
We may not have to forget another person’s poor behaviour, but forgiveness is essential for your own mental peace and releasing the pain.
Sometimes we get stuck in our agony and we don’t even think about forgiveness. But these feelings are going to hurt you. And most of the time another person might not have any idea what you are going through.
Forgive them even if they are not sorry. Forgive them for your own mental peace. It will help you to release the pain.
How To Become Immune To Hurt?
The very first step to become immune to emotional and mental pain is tale responsibility of your emotions. Take responsibility of how you feel.
Keep in mind that no one has the power to control your feelings and emotions until you allow them to.
Also understand that becoming immune to negative emotions doesn’t mean you suppress or neglect the
I know it’s incredibly hard to let go of one’s pain. I’ve struggled with this myself. But I cannot let my life defined by my pain.
It’s not healthy, it adds to our stress. It damages our ability to focus, study, and work. It influences every other relationship we have even the ones not directly linked to the hurt feelings.
If you choose to hold on to the pain everybody around you has to live with that decision. And feel its consequences. So, be kind to yourself and Let go of the pain.
And take responsibility of your emotions, feel your emotions and interrogate them.
Do something offbeat today and welcome joy back into your life.
For now, signing off until next post.
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Thanks for reading | Stay happy, stay healthy.
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