Mothers are considered nothing less than god and Motherhood is women’s ultimate achievement. Social media is flooding with quotes and messages everyday that glorify the greatness of mom and motherhood. Our movies and TV serials portray mothers as superhuman. Despite their good intention good intentions, people don’t realize how putting a woman on a pedestal is affecting her and the people around her?
Let me clear your misconception that the mother is not a god. Mothers are human beings first, and like all humans they are flawed too. She has her own weakness and vulnerabilities. The shiny patina that we put on the role of Mommy can be harmful to women and fathers as well.
Our culture demands a woman to become mommy as soon as she gets married and sacrifice herself for her child. And if she resists the criticism she has to face is horrifying. And when some women struggle with the new role of motherhood, then they have to face the criticisms, shame, and hatred for not being good enough.
Recently I have seen some people trolling a mommy blogger fro wearing western dress. They were commenting like you are a mommy now you shouldn’t wear this or you shouldn’t wear that. Who gave them the right to tell her what she should do as a mommy. Why people feel entitled to correct a random women online?
Some women put this pressure of being a perfect mommy on themselves because they are conditioned like that from generations. Mothers are willing to do everything, be everything all the time. Which is practically impossible. Because no one is perfect.
Hence new mothers punish themselves to fit into the idea of super mom. all-giving, all-knowing, selfless, superhuman who will gladly give up everything for the happiness of her child.
Motherhood is not easy and mothers certainly go through a lot and this experience is not pleasant or godly. It’s painful and has a lot of consequences such as hidden resentments, failed marriages, poor self-care, and lost friendships, vanished career, and inevitable guilt of not being a perfect mother.
When we exaggerate the things that mothers may do or feel for their children, we unknowingly demeaning the other roles fulfilled by mother (as women) – wives, sisters, friends, daughters, colleagues, etc… and we also diminish the role that fathers play in the lives of their children. Which is unfair.
Is being a mother hard? Of course. It’s brutally hard physically and emotionally. You are engaging in a relationship and so is your husband. As mothers, do not be martyrs. Do as much as you can, love as much as you can but do not forget yourself and other relations and roles in this journey.
Motherhood is hard-hitting but so is being a father or being a wife or taking care of the sick patients.
Society says that mothers must put their children’s needs first. Yes, you should but not always.
Your children are part of a family in which everyone’s needs are taken into account. Obviously, children need more assistance, fortification, and supervision than the adults in your family (i.e. your husband and you), but that doesn’t mean that your children’s wishes are the only ones that count.
The idealized image of the mother as a self-sacrificing, tireless, superhuman is not benefiting anyone. especially it is very harmful to your child and his future.
Do you want your children to see you as some kind of self-sacrificing martyr? No, right?
Be a woman, who has her own ideas, thoughts, and needs, who has other roles and relations too apart from mommy, who is contented and complete in herself.
Knowing or unknowing, society and families have been portraying the noble image of the mother and your child is watching you suffering. and at last, the mother has nothing to cherish but her children. This led to decreased motivation, loss of identity, and mental apathy in women.
Most of the women put other relations at stakes such as marriage, parents, and friends. They are fully dedicated to their child.
When their child grows up and starts dating or get married especially boys, mothers start feeling insecure. They feel like losing their power over her son. They start manipulating, playing cheap tricks and the son has also seen his mother suffering and feel obliged to make her happiness his priority.
The poor son feels guilty for doing enough for their mother. He starts doing anything and everything that make his mother feel good. And Ultimately the wife starts feeling secondary and insignificant.
In most of cases, husbands force their wives to serve their mothers and fulfill each justified and unjustified wish to make her feel valuable and happy. This loses the trust between the couple and This guilt, compulsion, and obligation destroy their marriage
The suffering wife start investing her energies in her children and start finding her happiness in them. Her children are also watching her sad and crying. And when they grow up, they feel obliged to make her feel happy.
And then this never-ending cycle goes on from generation to generation.
That is how the over glorification of mothers and motherhood is affecting women. This is like a generation curse.
This has to stop. And only women can do this.
Motherhood is glorious, no doubt, but it will be a lot more glorious if it is not held up as an ultimate sacrifice for women.
If husbands could share the load.
If women can clock off and go wild occasionally without being judged or feeling guilty.
If we actively encourage to be more than mothers.
If women start investing in herself too. Take care of herself. Love herself. Respect herself.
Because you are much more than a mother.
For now, signing off until next post.
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