Top 10 Bits of Advice from a Judge who handled family dispute courts


  1. Don’t encourage your son and his wife to stay under the same roof with you. Best to suggest them to move out, even to the extent of renting a house. It’s their problem to find a separate home. More the distance between you and your children’s families, the better is the relationship with your in-laws.

This is not to suggest that children and parents should cut off their relationship under the guise of leaving and cleaving. But your primary human relationship now is with your spouse, not your parents. Your commitment to God comes first; then your bond to your spouse, then to any children you might have, then to your family of origin, and then to extended family and friends. 

:Sandra Lundberg, from the book, The First Five Years of Marriage

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2. Even when living together, make each other’s businesses clear, don’t do their laundry, don’t cook for them and don’t babysit their children. Unless, of course, there is a special request by your son’s wife and you feel that you’re capable and don’t expect anything in return. Most importantly, you shouldn’t worry about your son’s family problems. Let them settle themselves.

3. Treat your son’s wife as his wife, not as your own daughter, maybe just treat her as a friend. Your son would always be your Junior but, if you think that his wife is of the same rank and if you ever scolded her, she would remember it for life. In real life, only her own mother and not u will be viewed as a person qualified to scold or correct her.

The mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship is one of the most complicated human connections.

4. Whatever habits or characters your son’s wife has is not your problem at all, it is your son’s problem. It isn’t your problem as he is an adult already.

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5. Pretend to be blind and deaf when your son and his wife are quarreling. It’s normal that the young couple does not like their parents to b involved in the dispute between husband and wife.

6. Your grandchildren totally belong to your son and his wife. However they want to raise their children, it is up to them. The credit or blame would be on them.

7. Your son’s wife need not necessarily respect and serve you. It is the son’s duty. You should have taught your son to be a better person so that you and your son’s wife relationship could be better.

8. Do more planning for your own retirement, don’t rely on your children to take care of your retirement. You had already walked through most of your journey in life, there are still a lot of new things to learn throughout the journey.

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9. It is your own interest that you enjoy your retirement years. Better if you could utilize & enjoy everything that you had saved before you die. Don’t let your wealth become worthless to you.

10. Grandchildren don’t belong to your family, they’re their parent’s precious gift.

Source of this article is Lawyers club India. this article was published by Mr. Vijay Raj Mahajan. Vijay Raj Mahajan is a senior lawyer more then 35 years experience in the legal profession for matters relating to Family matters Marriage, Maintenance, Guardianship, Child Custody, Divorce & Annulment, Matters relating to Succession/Inheritance, Will drafting and registration, Criminal matters relating to Family issues and other Civil and Criminal cases etc.

Parents are a responsibility for both son and daughter, I absolutely agree with it. But don’t disregard your wife for your parents. Respect your wife who is willing to take care of them, it’s not her duty, but her love for you that gives her the strength to work towards your loved one, don’t take it for granted.

If the relationship with your wife and parents is not fine. If she is not happy, Don’t play with her mental and emotional health.  Don’t force it on her. It will ruin her life and no one the in the family can live happily.

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You should not feel the guilt of living independently. It does not mean leaving them, be there for them. you can visit them, have them over, provide for them directly or indirectly support and love them unconditionally.

Daughters are brought up with the beliefs and traditions that resonate with the way of living of the parents. On the other hand, Daughter in law’s come from the family that had its own value system and believes that weren’t the same as the groom’s family.

It takes courage to accept that there can be different ways of leading life and give your approval to the diversity that might come. Mostly in law’s think that the behavior of the daughter-in-law is broken and it needs to be fixed. which is not right. Constantly questioning and correcting daughter-in-law will lead a dispute in the family. Similarly, small remarks and taunting are not good for the mental health of the bride. Husbands, please do not ask your wife to ignore small things. Your ignorance is not good for your marriage.

“Far too many husbands fail to recognize that what your wife wants and needs most from you is your concern for her soul.”

:Dennis Rainey

I believe the parent should not intervein on small quarrels between couples in a certain limit but they must intervene if the situation escalates to physical or verbal violence, however, since it’s the judge’s own words, I didn’t want to play around with them too much.

‎”Home is not where you live but where they understand you.”

:Christian Morgenstern


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Categories: Relationships

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21 replies

  1. ‘The mother in law/ daughter in law relationship is one of the most complicated human connections there is.’ Yesss, yes! Finally it’s been said! Haha – Hence my situation. Each point is right in it! I think, in my opinion, a lot has to do with the mother not being able to ‘let’ go of her son. It’s as if they feel they’re giving up their son/baby to another woman. As there are marital classes for the bride and groom, there needs to be classes for the mother in law, laws to prepare them also. Either that! Or we need to live in different continents! 🤷🏽‍♀️😂

    Like

  2. Haha 😂 I’m serious, the whole MIL situation is so exhausting! You know?! I come from a Hispanic background and God save us, I don’t know but it seems like these MIL are the most aggressive and territorial humans on the planet. 😳😣 I pray I don’t drive my daughter in laws crazy in the many many many years to come 😊🙏🏽

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Yeah, you know na, it’s complicated. 😜 I have few friends who share their MIL experience with me. It’s really terrifying. And the worst thing is if they are quiet, it’s not good for their mental and physical health. and if they choose to speak up, people make them feel guilty for not respecting elders, breaking the family and what not.
    however, Things are changing now.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Yes, so what do you do?! That’s the million dollar question. I’ve chosen to stay quiet, in result putting a strain in the family dynamic. Because it’s that very thing, if speak up then it’s rude. A major thing that comes to play is also our own cultural backgrounds and what we’ve been taught to do or not to do.
    Thank you Chetna for you response. 🙏🏽☺️

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I think you should speak up in the most gentle way possible. Talk to you husband. Talk to you MIL. Tell them what’s bothering you.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Yes, I’ve tried but it goes unfazed. So, things will remain the same and I will address the matter at a distance. As you mentioned, the matter of MIL, particularly mother and son, is a complex issue. I just pray I’m not one of the difficult MIL’s if my sons ever decide to marry. 😳😂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Ohhh. Then you should not stress yourself too much on such drama. Take care of your physical and mental health.

    And I wish the same for my kids 🤗 We will change the things for better.

    Like

  8. Yes, you’re right, my health now even isn’t the best, I have an incurable illness that follows with chronic pain. I’ve learned to let go of things I can not change. I can’t change people and I can’t change situations, but I can change my mindset. For the better.
    Yes, I agree, things will be different for our children. 😊🙏🏽

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Please take the best care of yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Thank you! I will, thank you so much for your lovely comments. I appreciate you. Just found your blog, can not wait to continue to follow your journey.

    Liked by 1 person

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